Heart Check #09

Don’t set your heart on what to eat or drink…

What is your heart intent on?

Recently I had to observe my heart. I was suffering from high intensity headaches, exhausting myself with worry about endless circumstantial outcomes, provision to be made, clothes that fit correctly…did I purchase the wrong size and waste the financial provision God has given me ? Endless anxiety to the effect of sleepless nights, consumed with panic, and needing to lie still in hopes my insides would calm down.

Why?

I asked myself endless times. The road I walk is straightened by God. [Proverbs 3:5-6] Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

[1 Peter 5:7] Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

My heart was set on the outcomes, the provision needed but not in hand, the clothes wanted for working out and church. I wasn’t intent on giving all these cares to the Lord and then being okay, submitted to his will. Instead, there was a hunger growing steadily in my heart that had the appetite of wolves searching for meat. To devour the “problem” with my own hands and since I can no more control what happens than you, there inly the problem, the source of my internal struggle.

When you are instead devoted to the Kingdom of God you give over your rule and let the Lord rule instead. It is for him to decide what, when, where, and how. And if. April 8, 2018, I gave my rule to the fire. I placed my life and my heart on the altar of the Lord and said, have your way! I think most of us assume we are Christians because we believe in Jesus, we go to church, and we pray. We do our best to keep God’s law and that’s about as far as we are willing to go. Maybe like yourself, I didn’t know there was more to be had, more to give up, more to gain...in reach.

Every day, week, month, and year since April 8, 2018, I have witnessed more advancement in the Kingdom of God and my heart than all my years before combined. All it takes to receive more is my and your willingness to submit our rule and reign over to God. The ruling of your own life for the ruling of God over your life. The sentence I just wrote seems like, okay, easy enough…God have your way. But the moment you find yourself in the opportunity to let God have his way, you instead back down and away from your submission to let God rule.

Why?

Because your heart is set on the things of this world, on yourself, and you don’t trust the Lord will provide. Or you trust the Lord but are not willing to see a life different than you predicted for yourself. Your interpretation of “best” comes in conflict with God’s will and you let him know that’s not what you think is best and instead march in the opposite direction of his will for you. Because, you see the road map ahead is blank and instead, you want a road map that is full of highway directions and destinations already laid out for you, in the order of how you see fit, as you detail your best possible outcome, for you and for your family, and for the world.

That is not the way God intended you to live. Yes, God gives us rule over the fish of the sea [Genesis 1:28], but that rule is granted as authority while in relationship with God. A cohesion of might and Lordship. In a submitted relationship to God, that authority is bound by Kingdom design. The righteousness is the guide and the rule, even though it comes by way of your action it's predestined by the Lordship of God, Yahweh. In other words, you and God are working together to rule as you are submitted to God first and foremost. Your heart is his and your intentions are to be his child, by letting him rule over you...submission.

After weeks and months of intense headaches due to my own lordship rule, it was obvious I needed to let go of my childish ways [1 Corinthians 13:11]. I knew better. I’ve been walking this road long enough to know there is more freedom than this. What I have been experiencing isn’t freedom at all, it’s instead being trapped by my own will. Holding the burden of trying to navigate the life and calling that God has orchestrated for me. Distrust.

God orchestrates and we lay down the toil, the unbelief, and instead march in the former authority and reign God gave us. The former meaning before we ate of the fruit that God commanded us not to. When the Lord was our Father and there was no obstruction between man and his God...favor and grace intertwined.

Recently I was given an invitation to a wedding being held May 2024 in Destin, Florida. A very dear friend of mine was getting married, and I was honored to receive an invitation as it was a limited guest list. When I received the invitation, I was living in a tiny home in Panama City Beach, Florida, which is about 40 minutes east of Destin. Excited to accept knowing I was living close enough to the wedding venue. But then the Lord moved me away from Florida and the tiny home mid-December 2023. So, there I was now “living” in Tennessee with no way of staying in Florida for the wedding. I desperately wanted to attend! She, the bride is a good friend from high school. We have shared many life storms and fun filled times. It was important to my heart that I attended. But I couldn’t afford to stay in a hotel, and I wasn’t sure when I would be sent back to Florida to live again. Would it be in time for the wedding?

Rattled by anxiety. Am I going to miss out?! The bigger issue was the Lord was letting me toil to no prevail. One night I lost all control of my emotions, tears flew down my face. The pressure of now needing to be at my quarterly cystic fibrosis appointment in Pensacola, Florida, which is an hour and 45 minutes west of Destin, on the Wednesday before the wedding events started was, I’m sad to say the cause of an emotional eruption.

I needed that eruption…

Weeks before the time for both events I had asked a friend of mine in the Florida area if I could stay at their beach house…door closed. I had mentioned to the bride herself I was having trouble finding a place to stay…she didn’t offer me a stay at their house for the wedding guests…door closed. I was frustrated. It wasn’t just the door was closed it was more, deeper. It was the internal struggle of rule and reign. My life is the Lord’s and if he doesn’t want me to be at this wedding, or stay at the house with the other wedding guests, or attend my doctor’s appointment, then I must settle with the outcome of my choice to let God rule my heart and life.

You see, God is after your heart...the intent. When we first took a bite from the forbidden fruit, we forced our heart to be given over to the enemy of Christ. We by choice and disobedience gave over our heart to the enemy. We became slaves, not to righteousness but to sinfulness.

God made a way for us to return to him fully and completely in heart, mind, body, and soul. But in doing so we must travel the hard road of recovery. We don’t become sanctified from sin the moment we hand our lives over to God. We instead get the opportunity to now, in joy, leave sin behind and let God rule. He in his power sanctifies our sin into righteousness. In order to do so, we must hand over our heart’s intent and travel down the road to the recovery of what was lost.

I was intent on seeing my way through these circumstances. Because, I saw my way to be fit and that way being what’s best for my heart. Truly for selfish reasons I wanted to attend both opportunities. One, I was jealous all my friends were going to be at the wedding, enjoying time together and sharing in the celebration of my good friend becoming a wife. Yes, it was important to my heart to be there, and yes, I truly wanted to be at a special moment for my friend. But important?….

The doctor’s appointment. That has been a terror of anxiety since the Lord evicted me out of Florida two-ish years ago. To not know where I am going to be on any given day or month but keep my doctor in Pensacola has been tough. I’m supposed to go every three months. I also have 12-15 medications that need refills etc… God has faithfully provided everything I need on this journey. The Lord provided a specialty pharmacy in Nashville, Tennessee that is the same company as mine in Florida, which gave way to an easy transition to and from states. But still, I can go into a panic so easily when it’s time to get to the doctor and I am 7 hours away or don’t know where I will be in three months’ time for the next one. Important to my heart?….

Do you see it? It’s often easier to spot when you’re not the one swirling in self intent. My heart wasn’t looking to God and saying here are my concerns and worries. [Philippians 4:6-7] Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[Philippians 4:8] Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

Unburden yourself with the flow of grace.

God made the way for us to lay down our worries, our burdens, and our concerns. He said, trust me. That I will make a way and it will be good to and for you.

[Jeremiah 29:11] For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

In order to receive the plans God has for you, you must let him decide the outcomes in your life. In short, let him rule over the fish in the sea and the birds of the air and come under his authority to join him in that ruling power.

For example. After I let go of my worries, I received his will because I let him give to me what is according to his plan for my life, and I go in his power. I let go of traveling plans, what clothes I should buy, what route to take home, what call to make, etc...

I let God decide what is best for me. Instead of putting together a plan or navigation schedule, I pray.

Lord, there is a wedding I want to attend. She is a dear friend and I really want to be there for her special day. Can you please help me get there? Also, there is a skirt and sports bras I’d like to have, I give these items over to you to bring if you see fit. I don’t have the money for them right now and they could sell out. But I also know there is nothing impossible for you. I’ve witnessed your power and I know you can make a skirt appear a year later if it be your will. So, I give this need and want over to you to make happen. And there is the whole doctor thing. I’m worried if I don’t go then they will stop sending in refills and truly I need to be there to check on my lungs. Can you please make a way for me to get there? I trust your plan over my own. So, if you decide it’s best for me not to go and have, I will also trust you won’t leave me without medicine. That you will provide the clothes I need, and my friendships will stay intact. Or you will make new friends for me. Lord, I hand over my worries and concerns. I love you. Love- me

In the process of prayer and reading my Bible, I received the promise of the Lord. To walk in his perfect peace. You can pray that prayer, but if you don’t let God do the sanctifying process to your heart than your prayer is falsely motivated, and you’ll end up back where you started.

Letting go of concern, letting go of worry stems from removing you in the position of lordship and giving that lordship to the Lord. Surrender. Asking for him to reveal to you his good and prosperous plan. The plan that gives you hope and a future in the Kingdom of God. I came to the conclusion God has a better plan for me. I stopped toiling with my own lordship and instead laid the crown of lordship on the only one worthy to be Lord. Who is our Father in heaven, the King of kings.

It was Monday night May 6, 2024. At this point I had been given the opportunity to go to the doctor on Wednesday, spend the night in Pensacola and return to Tennessee the following day. No other doors had opened. I in full peace had accepted the totality of God’s will. The anxiety had lifted, and my surrender brought forth the calling God placed on my life. Right before I went to bed, I received a call from my mother. She didn’t know I was leaving for Florida on Wednesday much less the wedding festivities that were also starting Wednesday night in Destin. I don’t know how it happened except I let the Lord rule. In God’s authority, while on the call with my mother, I accepted an offer for a hotel room for not only the night of my doctor’s appointment but also to stay through the weekend and return to Tennessee on Sunday afternoon!

I was going to the wedding!

I was set to leave for Florida 6:00AM Wednesday May 8, 2024. Because I had listened every day to what God had for me, that present day alone, I was ready. The next day I did my laundry, packed my bags, got a good night’s sleep and went to both my appointment and the wedding!! The weeks and days leading up to the wedding God graciously blessed me with a few shopping trips, bathing suits I didn’t know at the time I would need, and clothes for the wedding weekend. Remember when I left for Tennessee in December I was packed for winter…

The clothes and shoes while temporal gave way to a much bigger statement. A message that says my Father in heaven is for me and not against me. Salvation is in Christ alone. I am the daughter of the Most High God! He sees me, he listens, he takes my burdens, my requests, and leaves me with everlasting peace, which is living in his righteousness eternal.

And the Lord cares that I have multiple and cute swimsuits to wear! He isn't mean and trying to ruin my life. Instead he has made a way for me to calm and trust. Knowing freedom once more.

God’s answer might not always be yes. He might say no or not yet and I’ve learned to accept his answer, whatever it might be, to not look further than today, make my requests known to him, be in relationship with the Lord, let him lead, and give way to his will, letting him bring the answer. Accepting he is always good. No matter the call or outcome. Stability is in Christ alone.

Don’t let your heart be set on the world, the things in it, or your daily outcome. Instead set your intentions on the heart of the Father in heaven. He knows what you need. Make your requests know to him. God can handle your pain, your tears of frustration. He wants to carry the burden for you, but if you won’t let him, how can you be freed from them? You can let go. Cast your anxieties, cares, and concerns to the lord, for he cares to take them and leave you with his peace. Let God be your heavenly Father once more. Be under his authority and watch what God then allows you to rule over with him.

The anxiety goes when the truth revealed is in partnership with heaven.

Be in partnership with the Lord. Be content with not knowing the outcome. Give your worries to the Lord for he cares to provide all you need and even some of what you want. Don’t let your heart be troubled. Ride the wave of abundant grace to God’s best for your life. Trust, he will get you there. Have some fun with the Lord while you dance in the waves of the unknown. Today is what matters. The future has been set by the one who has all authority. Let God be God. Once again, like in the garden of Eden. God longs to be worshiped and adored. Let him rule so you can see him, what he can do, how he loves and cares for you. Then you will know the calling for your life and be devoted to the Lord having his way.

Be graceful with yourself. While on this small but influential part of the journey with God I received a message of grace. I had repented from making myself lord of my life and the very next day the Lord guided me to the sweetest day of shopping with him and lunch out. As I sat with my food tears welled up in my eyes at the kind, loving, and forgiving God we serve.

The following Sunday I took the opportunity to pray with the elders and the elders at my church said, “you are in a good place”. We can all be hard on ourselves, me included. So, I pass this message along…if you are following Jesus and abiding in him, searching your heart and repenting, “you are in a great place” too.

Make the joy of the Lord your strength and allow the abiding love of God flow in your heart…to overflow. Receive his mercy seat.

...present your requests to God...[Philippians 4:6-7]