The God Who Loves You #04

It was late summer 2022 when I found myself in the midst of a divine lesson from God. He had taken away what I loved most. My home, my studio, my church family, the beach, just about everything I hold dear in this world was stripped away by God himself. Because I obeyed.

Why? Why would you do this God? I can see and feel my grip to worldly goods slipping away, but what else? What do I need to see…spiritually speaking?

I found myself in a swirl of emotions, feelings, wants, griped to the world. I found myself in need. I found myself in lack. And what I wanted most to soothe this lack were my things. The very things God took away. The temptation swirled in like a lion.

But God was there.

Kara, give me the space in your heart that creates lack, God whispers.

So, off I went to the nearest shopping center. An outside mall with shops that at one time were the center of my life. Could I walk around this mall in the very moment my soul was craving for more and not give in to the temptation? I was determined to defeat my selfish desires that try and fill the lack inside my heart.

I walked into the first store and within minutes I see the most beautiful rose gold bathing suit top. I pick it up and look at the price tag, $12.99. Oh Lord, it’s only $13.00! And it’s so pretty…but wait. I came here to defeat this demonic stronghold on my heart. Yes, it might just be $12.99 but the cost is so much higher if I give in to the temptation to soothe my want with this top. Because when this top hits the bottom of my heart it will dissolve.

And then what? The lack will still exist.

I decided to tell my heart no. I corrected my want by putting the top back and informing my heart what it really wants is Jesus. “You can let this go” I tell myself.

Step by step, store by store, I wrote over the temptation to fill my lack with something other than Jesus. And then I saw it. A beautiful, dried foliage in the middle of the sidewalk. I picked it up because it is the very plant I love to use in my arrangements in Florida. The plant grows wild, and I often get on my bike to pick the native plants and display them around my house. Where did this come from? I look around and no plant to be found. This was God. Telling me there was a bigger temptation to let go of. A bigger gift and want in my heart that while lovely will never satisfy my soul the way God can.

Florida, the beach.

God birthed me into this world about 40 minutes away from where I have been living the past four years. My first years on earth were spent barefoot in the sand. Wading in the gorgeous emerald water and letting the sun glitter my skin. Simple living, embraced by my most favorite of God’s creations.

But his creation is not him directly. It’s a gift from him to us. And while it pleases him to give us good gifts [If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask! Matthew 7:11]. He is more concerned with our heart’s desire being him over the gifts.

Being stripped from all you know, and love is hard. If you let God do this to you hang tight to him. Because it’s the only way through to the other side. While in the thick of this pruning process I cried out to God. Please Lord let me go back! The ocean, the plants, the dried foliage that I love to use and have around me. I miss all that terribly so! And there is nothing like that life surrounding me now. Please Lord!

I stood with the very plant I selfishly cried out for. At first, I thought oh how amazing! God is giving me a gift! He knows I am missing my native land and he is also telling me I can go back. But then it sank in…the gift placed at my feet needed to be returned to the Lord. Showing him it’s not the gifts but him I want most. Even if my heart wasn’t fully in line with what I was accomplishing with the Lord I was determined to show it where I wanted to go. For good.

I picked up the dried flower and took it to the lake behind my parent’s house. To the water’s edge I went with only the single stem in hand and a prayer in my heart.

Lord,

This is yours. I thank you for this gift.

I thank you for Florida.

I give it back to you.

Because you are more important to me than this gift.

Love, Me

I laid the dried flower in the water and walked back to the house. A smile on my face and my heart. The Lord had guided me to success! To a renewed mind and transformed heart. [ Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2]. It was real and I was being set free from a worldly desire that would have led me into destruction. Because where there is lack there is potential to nurture. And if we nurture our lack with selfish desire, the things of this world, the gifts, where does that leave God and our hearts? God is your lack. He is your need for something. He meets your lack and fulfills it.

Let me be your lack filler.

I can hold it for you.

I have all you need.

Apart from me there is nothing good and perfect.

Let me be your missing part.

Therefore, you miss nothing at all.

I fill the deficit.

I am the deficit filler.

That spot was made for me alone.

Only I can fill that space in the human race.

 It is for me! I am all you need!

Love, Your Father in heaven

I had put the bathing suit back on the rack. The loved foliage in the water and my heart freed to be filled with the deficit filler, the Lord God Almighty. He filled my lack. Therefore, there is no lack found in me. [The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. Psalm 23:1].

Months of trials and illness follow this heart transformation. Grateful I was full of the Lord because the trials took nothing from me. There was nothing available for them to take. The Lord won’t leave you. Once you let him in, he’s alive and working within you. There is only gain to be obtained.

February 23, 2023 was an exciting day for me! A doctor’s appointment that freed me from continuing my physical therapy on my once broken wrist. I left the doctor with joy cascading out of my soul. It was a warm and sunny day of celebrations! As I left, I felt a nudge to go shopping. Hmmmm, is this the Lord or my old temptation calling? I had planned to stop at a local café after my release. So, I went and thought, I will sit with the Lord for a bit and see if this desire is from him.

The sun shining on my face, my health renewed, the proof of trials behind me, my first painting commission in over a year complete and approved, a latte with the Lord at a local church café had me overflowing with praise to the God who sees me! And as I leave the café, I can feel the Lord saying, go to the store with the bathing suit. I have something for you.

I pulled up to the store. Curious. Steps into the store and I see it. A couple racks filled with bathing suits on sale. When I say on sale, I mean $2.00-$6.00 a piece! And guess what suit was hanging there in my size? Yep, the rose gold and it was on sale for $5.00! Not only did the Lord gift me the suit I gave back to him a few months earlier, but he gifted me 21 more bathing suit pieces!   

The God who gives us more was showing me his heart. The gifts our King gives are not to acquire love but to give it. And while the bathing suits are great and met me in abundance, they are here to cover our sin. With a grace that makes them attractive. God is our true cover. He heals. He loves. And he gives good gifts to his children.

God loves us more than the things of this world ever could. They are things. They will not meet the lack in your heart and fill it, satisfy it. They hit the bottom and dissolve. Therefore, there is not enough money, travel, clothes, or objects that will ever fulfill what your heart is longing for. But God’s love…it fulfills and swells to overflow!

Everyone is looking for me.

Some realize it and some do not.

Sad day to those who don’t.

Because I have everything they want.

Their lack is mine.

I am their lack.

Love,

Your Father who loves you endless!

I am what they lack. That spot is reserved for Christ alone.   

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. Psalm 23:1

This divine encounter leaves me with another thought and lesson…timing.

God’s good and perfect timing.

To be continued…